Sex and The City or Sex and The Shitty?

I sit here as a massive fan of SATC. Let us make that clear at the offset.

The show and the first movie were perfect partners. The TV series was a perfect example of dating life, different types of men and women, and it broke down barriers of acceptability. The first movie, no matter how worried I was that it would set a different tone, did not disappoint. It carried on the stories of all major characters, had sadness, laughter and hope, and even managed to bring in and build a new character that you cared for. It was a triumph.

So the second movie, despite the poor critic reviews I had heard, I was still looking forward to.

SPOILER-TASTIC from here:

What a crock of shite. The whole movie was as if the writers had sat in a room and gone “and then this could happen and then this could happen and then this could happen” and someone went “okay go write it” and they didn’t even work out how to fit it all together.

Let’s start with the characters. They looked fantastic. Steve looked old, Miranda looked tall, but barely featured in the movie. Carrie was herself but made some terrible jokes. Stanford was cute as always. Sam was her old self but going through menopause, hadn’t bought a bleed proof lipstick, and instead of being indecent was bordering on ASBO. Charlotte was the mother not coping, but they’d made her look rather plain. Big was way too soppy and Aiden was Aiden!

The movie starts at a big gay wedding – I say that because they made such a feature about NOT calling it a gay wedding, that it became an issue. Liza Minnelli was the best part of the whole movie, singing and performing to Beyonce. The movie’s not existent plot line started there. They managed to make it to Abu Dhabi somehow. A middle eastern country so strict with their laws it was actually amazing the girls managed to make it onto the plane.

They arrive at their hotel, waxing orgasmic over the plush hotel, claiming it to be 7 stars. Personally I have been in bigger and better 5 star hotels in my life. I felt like they had dumbed it all down for the viewer, expecting us to have never experienced such luxury. Lucky us to be able to experience it through their eyes.

In a part of the world where it is legally acceptable for a cheating woman to be stoned to death, publically, I could not believe the naivety of the writers or the researchers. The main part of this story line was the fact that Samantha’s hormone pills had been taken from her, and that her libido had dropped. So as soon as she saw a man who tickled her fancy she couldn’t help herself. The fact that all of the girls had their hair, shoulders and cleavages on show was never mentioned, except for Miranda sometimes throwing a shawl over Sam. Miranda made a reference to men and women not being allowed to even hug in public, and so when Aiden and Carrie did hug in the market, I expected some kind of reaction – nothing. Needless to say Sam’s antics (her trying to have sex on the beach with some fake Englishman) get her arrested after a couple of people report her to the police. Sam is told she could go to jail – I’m thinking the punishment is probably harsher in reality, but that just doesn’t make for fun in Movieland. So then when they finally leave (after having not advanced the story in any way, other than Aiden and Carrie kissing and Miranda and Charlotte having a drunken mother to mother chat) they get accosted by some angry men when they find Sam carries condoms, and are saved by a group of fashion loving women who hide designer couture wear under their burkas. Hmmm……

When they return to their normal NY lives, everything is sorted out and rosy. As a reward for cheating on Big, Carrie gets a huge blue diamond ring from him…… Charlotte’s no bra nanny turns out to be a lesbian….. and they’re actually the only things I can remember.

This movie made me more angry than anything, and so disappointed. There was no happy, no sad, no romance. It just seemed a lot like a slapstick. Oh and please don’t mention the unnecessary camel toe joke. The best part of the movie was the tiny flashes to how the girls looked in the 80s – and that was about 5 mins in. That’s it.

Oh but I did see a trailer for Eclipse…… πŸ˜€

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