Yesterday I took a huge step forward. During an extremely long and frustrating shift at work, which was in the progress of lasting 2 hours longer than it should have and meaning that we didn’t get out of the shop until almost midnight, I began to have a panic attack.
For those who follow my blog, or for some who know me in reality, you will already be aware that I suffer from GAD. It’s not severe, or at least it’s not as severe as it used to be. But occasionally I suffer from these attacks. Sometimes they come on for no reason.
This time I started to feel a little odd and just figured I was feeling tired and shaky due to having missed dinner. So I took a break and realised I was either low in sugar or about to have a big panic. So instead of sitting on it, I decided to tell the people I was with.
Thankfully I was with friends, one of whom is diabetic and took a reading to make sure I wasn’t low in sugar (I wasn’t) and one of whom knows I have panic attacks and knows how to talk me round. But this was the first time I have preempted the attack by telling people I felt like I was about to have it, before it actually set in. I knew it was down to a feeling of lack of control. I didn’t feel stressed at all, but I guess it all manifested in a different way. Funny what the mind does to the body without you realising it.
Anyway, it was super hard to admit to other people the way I was feeling – again this was admitting a lack of control. But boy am I glad I did. Everyone just started talking about planning and next steps and I started to feel better. No one judged me or thought I was being stupid (- or at least if they did they didn’t show it!)
I’m not very good at sharing my weaknesses or allowing other people to help me. I took a baby step forward yesterday. Obviously I’m not going to start telling everyone when I start to feel out of control or anxious, especially people I work with, but I knew these people would understand, and it felt like the right thing to do.
I’m still exploring GAD and I’m learning to deal with it. This has definitely been progress and I don’t mind telling y’all.