I felt inspired to write on this subject after reading this post on Dear Ms Leigh the other day. It’s a subject I keep speaking to friends about recently and so I realise it must be bothering me.
I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve been married almost 7 years. No I do NOT have children. NO I am not planning on having children any time soon. NO my life does not feel empty and void of love.
There I said it. When people meet me and find out my age and status, most of the time I’m asked in one way or another if I have kids or why I don’t. Most of the people who ask don’t know me very well. Most of the people who ask are young and naive but some are old enough to know better. It wasn’t until recently, having lunch with a friend that I realised I ought to be offended when I’m asked this question. Her shock that people even dared to ask, surprised me. And I realised that she was right.
When I’m asked (and it is a when rather than an if) I always think about who is asking before I answer. Sometimes the person is young and doesn’t realise that this isn’t something you ask people. Sometimes they are just being nosey and I want to tell them that ‘after the doctor removed my womb they told me I couldn’t have kids, and actually it’s a really sensitive subject’ and then fake cry at them…. (n.b. none of that is true)
What I find it hard to deal with is that by asking me the question, the person is projecting their beliefs about what they expect I should do with my life, onto me. They’re probably not judging me consciously, but even by asking they are making me feel judged.
I’m not going to go into my reasons for not having any children on here. I’m not going to explain myself because I don’t feel like you expect it. Your choices are yours, and my choices are mine. But I needed to get it off my chest.